Fantastic Wife and Where I Found Her.
So lets dive right in shall we.
Fantastic Wife and Where I Found Her.
So the fact that I haven't been on my own blog in several years is actually shocking. In my defense I do have 24 draft posts written but never actually published...most of them are rubbish , semi coherent babble or half formed thoughts. While I am not actually sure this post will end up any different I am genuinely making an effort to finish this one.
So lets dive right in shall we.
Why try and explain when I can show...
P.S - Kevin, Cois & Toffie...I havent forgotten bout you... next one you boys are in... Havent finished it yet
And just a thanks to Dj Alex Caige for the shout out on Highveld on the way home... my ears are still ringing from the screams in the car!
Filmed on the GoPro Hero 2 and Hero 3 and created in iMovie on iPad
The Live Feed of the Redbull Stratos Mission...Go Felix...
OK I Know I started the Vegas Story...but then I went overseas again... I cant help it if I have an awesome life, besides you signed up for this.
This time the trip was to Abu Dhabi and Dubai with Tali to celebrate our birthdays... 20th and 22nd Sept for anyone that forgot to buy a present. Oh and these blog updates are out of order... i did try and write them while i was there as much as possible...but didnt always have the time. I am going to try and use the right dates at least.
For no particular reason we're starting off couple days in at Ferrari World Abu Dhabi
If ever there was a place designed for males aside from strip clubs, the hardware store, Vegas, and the Etihad Airlines bathrooms (I'll explain that later) ... It would be Ferrari World...Its HUGE! Shiny and a whole lotta Red!
It also has the worlds fastest rollercoaster... A pants wetting monstrosity that goes at 240km/h and let's you experience half the G-Force of an astronaut... 1.7G's... according to the big banner thats outside the ride...my pants remained dry...I didnt ask Tali about hers.
Bless her...she suffers from terrible motion sickness...but she did give it a go at least , of course this meant that after the first two simulators gave her nausea... she wasnt too thrilled about going to try the rollercoaster , I managed to convince Tali to come with me anyways... Think I said something about her never having to go on another rollercoaster ever again cause she can use being on the fastest one as an excuse.... I almost don't have the heart to tell her that Japan and USA are just about to take away her excuse with their new upcoming rides... Oh well... I'm sure she'll be OK....
She's not ok... OH crap... She's just figured out who made her go... Awwww... She looks like a baby fawn taking its first steps into the world... All wobbly... That's is if the baby fawn had rabies, and a taste for human souls... I'm going to run away while she's distracted by the big white telephone...I fear for my life....I'm sure I can live off the land till my flight back...fuck... Its a desert... There's nothing but sand and heat... I'm sooooo screwed...
Totally Worth It!
You wouldn’t think there was a recession in the United States, judging by the thousands of people who religiously gamble their money away at the numerous casinos, or piss their money up against a wall in Las Vegas.
I came across an amazing example of this by watching the Las Vegas Traffic on the way into the place.
This is what the road from Los Angeles to Las Vegas looks like from 200 km out on a Friday afternoon.
That’s right, the Las Vegas Traffic is solid all the way to Sin City, and the highways surrounding Las Vegas city becomes a parking lot once you venture a little closer....or at least I think it did... its all a bit of a fuzzy memory thanks to way to many drinks, and all the pretty lights.
Crazy! Obviously, the marketing strategies of the numerous Las Vegas Casinos are working!
Wait a second, what about your stay in L.A? Why the hell are we all of a sudden on our way to Vegas? You may be saying...or at least in my head that's what you're saying, otherwise Im just talking to myself.
Dont worry there is a perfectly logical and straight forward explanation...
Seriously?!?! Dont tell me you believed that bullshit for a second. This is me after all , best explanation I have is...cause I wanna...plus this going to take a couple posts to tell the story. So look at the pretty picture below and forget about LA for the moment.
Cause soon I will tell you a story of wine, woman and song...ok Tequila, Woman and Giant Duckies which is way more fun.
Corporate Wank Words. Many corporations suffer from this appalling Business Terminology affliction. Those are the ‘buzzwords’ (oh hell, even I’m infected!) that people use to make themselves sound more impressive.
You’ll hear these Wank Words produced in meetings by people wanting to make themselves sound more important than they really are.
They are usually used by the workplace personality types that make us want to travel...or as they are usually called... Upper Management...
There’s a great quote in Tim Ferriss’ book, the Four Hour Work Week, which just had me in tears laughing – the quote is ‘The reason that companies have meetings is because they cannot actually masturbate themselves!’.
It’s only funny because it’s true!
But we all know these Corporate Wank Words and Business Terminology mean something else. And here are their explanations. Well, my explanations anyway.
HINT: If you hear all ten of these in one meeting, yell out WANK WORD BINGO! and see what happens!
Wank Word Term Actually Means
1. Flexible Hours You are expected to flexibly work 80+ hours per week.
2. Work/Life Balance We've got the ‘Work’ part of the balance correct. The Life Part
of this equation only happens after you’re dead.
3. Low Utilisation Means that your chargeable hours have dipped below 100% and
you have to lift your game.
4. Ramp Up We have been too busy fart arsing around that we've
discovered that we have to dramatically increase your workload
to get something finished on time.
5. On Leave You are actually allowed to leave the office, but you must keep
your mobile phone on and regularly check your work emails on
your week long holiday – the only one you will have for 2 years.
6. Lessons Learnt We keep making the same stupid mistakes over and over again.
And you need to fix them.
7. Weekends Two days at the end of the working week that can often be used
for working to do actual productive work because you don’t
have any interruptions or annoying meetings.
8. Sick Leave Can be used when you are sick. Sick means that you are
hospitalised. If you are able to visit the doctor to obtain an
absence from work certificate, you are able to go to work.
9. Results Driven You must make at least 100 times the amount of money that
you are paid otherwise you’re out on the street.
10. Restructure We’re not making the 500% profit that we needed. We’re
reorganising the organisation to give the impression
management are doing something.
So there you go.
If you’re going crazy in your office cubicle, just think of these Business Terminology Wank Words and have a small chuckle to yourself.
But not too loudly, someone might think you’re having too much fun.
And while you're doing that... I'll be in Dubai...
Spent the day missioning around with D, he had a casting for some commercial for a Tablet... which was awesome cause I got to see the other side of being in Hollywood... bright lights, fast cars, fancy hotels, and V.I.P treatment is something I've experienced plenty.. but seeing how what aspiring artists have to go through is new.
Process seems to be relatively straight forward, as this wasn't an open call, D had a time slot for his audition so at least we wouldn't be sitting there for hours waiting...which at the time I thought was a good thing, however after seeing some of the other people hanging out before their turn I wouldn't have minded a longer wait.
OMG! L.A has some incredibly hot and very very very bendy girls!
Everyone seems really friendly and open...but then again Americans in general are like that and of course the entertainment industry tends to attract the extroverts...man I wish I could act...or sing.. or have any appreciable talent aside from talking shit...I think I would of loved Hollywood.
While I have all faith in D's skills, his FreeRunning and Parkour skills are epic...the stand out performer has got to be the cutie on the stilts... think her name was Megan... its freaking awesome signing into the casting...then turning around the corner and there is this cute brunette on 4ft stilts warming up....
I love this photo of me...
If I recall correctly the last real blog update I did was from the taxi while it was taking me from LAX to my friend Deville Vannik's apartment.
Usually when your friend has travelled half way across the world to come and visit you, you'd meet them at the airport to welcome them. My life once again refuses to conform to the norm, which explains why I sat for almost an hour after being dropped off waiting for Deville to get back to his apartment.
I could use this as an opportunity to make my friend feel bad for leaving a poor, defenseless, African boy sitting all alone on the side of the street in the middle of the night... but I doubt anyone would buy that bunch off bullshit.
Deville was at a birthday party and I did fly into L.A a day early...and I would of expected nothing else from my friends... cant leave a Hollywood party just cause your idiot friend is here. I actually didn't mind since I just used someone's unsecured wifi and watched movies on my iPad.
Never one to disappoint Deville...who from now on will be called D in this travel blog because Im not typing out his name each damn time... arrived in true movie star fashion in a black convertible mustang!
The adventures of the Silent Rockstar and the Moviestar begins... I really wish i could sing...
I've realized that I'm not particularly good at this blogging thing...in fact I'm pretty awful... unfortunately I cant even find a reasonable excuse, but I'll sure as hell try my best...cant blame the technology or process since it's unbelievably easy to post updates... damn you internet and your constant improvements... and it's not like I don't have enough to update on...or a lack of opinions...
When in doubt...trust the old trusty excuses that always work.
Alcohol.. well in this case Im going to broaden it out to "Good Times"
I guess one day I may become so use to updating this thing that I would do it naturally during the day or at the end of the day...but whats been causing the delays is that I was having too much fun...
So lets all just pretend I wrote these back in July / August and all will be well...
FIGJAM has arrived in tinseltown!
Ok so I’m attempting to blog while in a moving vehicle… So let’s see how I manage…
So bizarrely I had to fly in the complete opposite direction from L.A to get here… First went from DC to Boston….which was rainy…. Then across to L.A….total traveling time… 10 and a bit hours….
Given The absolute insane levels of security I was surprised they still had curbside check in at the airport…which I would think is a tiny security flaw, but they made up for it by scanning me in some walk in X-ray machine….so I’m pretty sure my little dudes have been nuked…. The guard was keeping a good distance between herself and the machine….and she doesn’t even have little dudes…
Then as I’m waiting for the flit they call out my name at the boarding gate….
Several thoughts simultaneously occur at this stage….
- shit they lost my bags
- shit they found the coke
- you’re not smuggling coke u idiot
- shit my electric toothbrush went off and they blew up my bag
- wow they really can’t pronounce my surname at all can they….
Turns out they just wanted to give me a free upgrade…
They said it was to accommodate some family
But I know they meant “just cause u awesome”
So now I’m in L.A off to meet up with Deville in west Hollywood
Now the real fun starts….
Although I’m yet to see a freaking UFO!!
So Ive come to the end of the work portion of my USA trip… So I thought I would do an update…. the intention was to do a daily blog on my experiences and thoughts… then again I also wanted to be an Space Cowboy...so guess we don't all get what we want.
Probably the only reason I've actually sat down and started writing is because I've been on hold for so long with the airline I got bored.
HOLY Crap!! I am actually talking to a call center in india… I thought that shit was just in the movies… “Jeff” is definitely in Mumbai and not in Kansas or someplace in the states… I am trying my absolute best not to giggle…
OK so while I’m waiting for “jeff” to figure out what he needs to do… here is some background on why Im online with him… so Ive been attempting to book a flight from Washington DC to L.A… I have a paypal account, American Express, MasterCard and VISA… I am also able to use the internet without ending up in Japanese Fetish Porn sites at least 85% of the time so you would be a pretty simple process…
Enter Credit Card Info
well apparently the answer to that is “fuck you”
Because in order to book online…we need to enter a billing address…
simple enough right…
According to every site…the country South Africa… doesnt exist… they have St Lucia…but no South Africa
So according to the internet (or at least any booking site in the USA) this tiny 617 square meter island with a population of around 175,000 people… is more important / financially trustworthy than S.A the 28th biggest economy in the world… host of a world cup… and more importantly…where my fucking billing address is!!!